Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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