I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
