what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
