WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
