Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Sorry about my life...
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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