the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
