dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Randomize
