i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize