You're a womanizer and a bitch.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i dont even know how to be here
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
