Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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