that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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