why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I have feelings that need drinking.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
