Whod you bang
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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