sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
