I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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