i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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