Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
