Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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