Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
