You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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