i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
