I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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