Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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