She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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