I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
