I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
