Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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