we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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