what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Houston, we have a squirter
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
