then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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