lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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