Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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