Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
