my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I could fuck to npr.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
