I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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