He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
