I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
