Just cropdusted the office
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
