i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize