She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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