lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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