I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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