Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
