And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
We left the knife in your bed.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Randomize
