remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
