I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
