I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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