you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
