I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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