Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
