I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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