The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
