I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
