I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
