I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
