In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Randomize
