when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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