She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
