I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
