Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
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