I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
