when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
