So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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