She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
