No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Randomize
