it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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