woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
