Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize