Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
