I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
