I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
