Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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