my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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