I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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