I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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