I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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