im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
