Sponge bath it is.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
