i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
