you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Randomize
