Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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