Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize