Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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