I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
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