Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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