yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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