Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Michael Bay diarrhea
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
