She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
