She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
