Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
His hands were made for my vagina.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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