Nicole vs. Life
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
