Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
