who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
she peed on how many people?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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