I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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