You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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