U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Randomize
