she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
They are going to name an STD after you.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
