I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
