Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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