I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
