Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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