ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
