D3 body, D1 cock
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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