dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
