I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
